Here's A Secret...

Every Single Time Someone Has EVER Mentioned *****lica On Facebook...

I Have Filed A Report & Marked It As Spam.


.......

If You Don't Know Me, And We Talk For 5 Minutes...
You Will Invariably Find Out That I Love Boobs,
From Little Pointy Ones To The Big Floppy Ones.
I Love ALL Kinds Of Boobs Except For Fake Ones.
Fake Boobs Are Cheating.

What REALLY Annoys Me Is This Dumb Cunt In The Picture.
Her Name Is 'Beshine' And She Goes Around Saying She Has 'The Biggest Boobs In The World' Which Is Utter Bullshit.
(That Title Belongs To The Rather Haggard Looking Black Lady You Can See Featured In The Top Left Of The Picture Known As 'Norma Stits' (Enormous Tits)

Beshine Has 'The Biggest Tits In The World' In The Same Sense That If I Wore A Hat 3 Stories High I Would Suddenly Be The Tallest Man On Earth.

Fuck You, Beshine...
You're A Plastic, Cheating Attention Seeker.

I Don't Like Dogs.

I Guess That's Not Strictly True,... 

There ARE Dogs I 'Like' ...

But For The Most Part I Find Them Intrusive, Smelly & Needy.

Male Dogs Creep Me Out.
There Aren't A Lot Of Domesticated Animals You Can Have Around Your House That Have A (Mostly) Lifelike, & Fully Functional Penis And Balls Wobbling Around On Display For All To See.

The Main Difference Between Me And A Male Dog Owner Is How We See The Dog.
He Overlooks The Genitalia, Only Seeing The Dog. - (I Hope) -
I See A Wobbly Cock & Ball's Running Around That Also Barks,
 Then It Rubs Itself All Over The Couch You Put Your Face On While You're Laying Down Watching Movies

I'm Not Sure I'll Ever See The Appeal Of Having An Animal That Gets An Erection Simply Over The Fact That You've Arrived Home.
Have You Ever Made Eye Contact With A Male Dog Humping Your Leg?? - You'll Never Be The Same.
(I Appreciate The Enthusiasm, But It's Not For Me)

They Say 'A Dog Is A Man's Best Friend',
But Just How Good Of A Friend Do You Have To Be Before Its Ok To Rub Your Naked Balls Over Your Best Friends Couch?!

When I Was A Kid I Fancied DJ From Full House.
(Candace Cameron)
I Had A Major Crush On Her & Thought She Was Incredibly Cute.
Something I Never Expected, Was The Peculiar Feeling Of Being 34 And Still Being Just As Smitten At What Would Legally Be Called A 'Child'
I Should Point Out That My Affection Is A Harmless Admiration Of Her Cuteness And Not The More Adventurous "Tie Her Up & Chuck Her In The Boot Of My Car" Brand Of Attraction.

I Wonder How Different My Life Would Be If I Had A Drivers License...

I Really Miss Going Camping.

Hands Up; All The People Who Think That Whoever Sits In The Whitehouse Has Even The Slightest Power Over What Happens In America?


 - You Write Down On A Piece Of Paper Who You Want To Be The Boss Of Your World, Then Never See That Piece Of Paper Again, It Gets Given To A Chain Of People You Never See And Is Counted On Your Behalf By Another Group Of Faceless Individuals Then Added To The Overall Tally.
The Entire Political Voting Process Holds All Of The Necessary Components Of The Most Basic Misdirection Bluff, I Find It Fascinating That People Are Willing To Put Their Absolute Trust In A System With The Same Faith Principals Behind A Game Of: 'What Number Am I Thinking Of?'

Considering The Outrageous Corruption And Perversions Of Justice Since The Very Beginning Of A Compartmentalized Government Itself, It's AMAZING To Me That The American People Are Still Entirely Willing To Accept That What They Think, Makes The Slightest Bit Of Difference Within The Political Climate, And That Their Elected Officials Wouldn't Chuck Them Under A Bus The Very SECOND Their (Funded) Interests Were Compromised.

But Then, Why Would They Speak For You?
You, Who Have No Monetary Endorsement Behind Your Support Of The Candidate!?

But You Can Be DARN Sure That If Lord Disgustington The Billionaire From Bullshit Manor Suddenly Decided He Wanted To Criminalize The Growing Of Fruit & Vegetables, He Could Slip Someone A Golden Handshake And Have That Made A Law Within The Week.

The Presidential Initiative Is Funded By Company's With Billions Of Dollars To Support Their Interests & Ideals Through The Mouth Of A Puppet.
A Puppet Specifically Designed To Give A Face For The Public To Direct Their Attention Toward,

The President Is Heavily Instructed In Body-Language, Delivery, & His Speeches Are Written For Him.
(Pretty Much The Definition Of Acting)
The President Doesn't Even Have Clearance For The Highest Level Of Governmental Secrecy.

I Fail To See How A Person Being Driven Around In A Limo Cold Possibly Speak For Someone Who Can't Afford Shoes.

It Literally Does NOT Matter 'Who' Is President
What Matters... Is Who Is DRIVING The President!?






(I Don't Mean His Actual Limo Driver....He Checked Out Clean)

Just Look At This Fucking Idiot Would You...

Why The FUCK Would Someone Intentionally Do That To Their Own Head??!?!!
This Person Actually Exists.
I Stole This Photo From Someone's Facebook Because I Wasn't Finished Hating Him Yet.
I Forget Who's Profile I Got This From, I Apologize If It Was You.
I Apologize Not For Stealing The Pic, But Because You Count This Person As A Friend.
Why Didn't You Tell Him That He Looks Like A Petrified Turkey Stuck In A Wind-Tunnel?!!
You Are A BAD Friend!!!

Guns

I'm Just Going To Say It.... I Hate Guns.
Some People Go Through Extraordinary Lengths To Bypass Acknowledging The Fact That Guns Are Specifically Made To Kill.
There Is A LOT Of Debate Surrounding The Subject Of Guns, Yet Even The Most Passionate Gun Advocate Has Yet To Sway My Opinion.
Usually The Most Compelling Argument Is Their Right To Protect Themselves....From Other People With Guns.
Some People Claim That Their Love Of Guns Is Specifically For Target Practice Which I Can Understand.
(What I Can't Understand Is Why The Need For Deadly Ammunition To Shoot At A Target.)

If We Were Able To Tally The Number Of People Who Have Been Shot And Killed With Guns I Can Guarantee There Would Be More Innocent People Killed Than People Who Actually Deserved To Be Shot Dead. - Having Been Accidentally (I Always Assumed It Was Accidental) Shot Twice With A Slug-Gun (By 2 Different People) I Am Only Too Aware Of How Easy It Is To Suddenly Be A Victim Regardless Of Intention.

If I Walked Around Carrying A Box With A Big Red Button On It, That When Pushed Was Capable Of Making You Explode Without Warning , You Would Be Right To Feel Anxious In My Presence And This Is Exactly How I Feel When In The Presence Of Someone Carrying A Weapon. - You Are Taking Liberty With My Safety And You Do NOT Have My Authorization.

I Would LOVE It If Everyone In The World Suddenly Decided Not To Use Guns Anymore.
(Or At Least Traded Their Ammunition, For The Non-Lethal Kind)
Some People Get Furious At That Prospect, Suggesting That It's Not The Gun, It's The Person Pulling The Trigger.
I Suggest It's The Fact That The Person Behind The Gun Was Able To Find A Gun.


What I'm Also Suggesting Is If We Ditch The Weapons We Also Ditch The Unintentional Misery Caused By The Accidental Shootings.
(As Well As Limiting The Massacres That Seem To Be So Fashionable These Days)

If Something I Enjoyed,.. Like The Guitar,...Caused Millions Of Accidental Deaths Each Year.
As A Compassionate Human Being It Would Be My Duty To Let It Go, So That It May Improve The Lives Of Others..
A Small Sacrifice On My Part Would Be Given To The Greater Good.

Until This Fact Is Recognized On A Broad Scale We Will Not Progress As A Species.

Don't You HATE It When You Make A Mess & Then Have To Clean It Up?!
I Mean One Of Those HUGE Filthy Shambles With Broken Pieces Everywhere.
The Sort Of Mess Where The Ratio Of Things Left Unbroken Or Untidy Is LESS Than The Things That Are Unmessy.
To The Point Where You Seriously Consider Knocking Over Whatever Is Left, Just To Make It 100% Ruined.

It Must Be Worse When That Mess Is An Actual Person.
Worse Even, When You Are The Mother Of That Actual Person.
But Even More Worse Even Still, When You Are The Neighbour To That Person.
Nobody Ever Thinks Of The Neighbour To The Human Mess That Lives Next Door.

Unlike His Mother...I Never Agreed To His Existence.
Yet I Still Have To Endure His Defective Taste In 'Music' And The Endless Procession Of Loud Cars Belonging To The Trail Of Zombie-Like Addicts Going Up And Down The Driveway At All Hours Of The Night To Buy Meth. - Apparently He Even Lacks The Cerebral Fortitude Necessary To Realize That Having A Fence Does NOT Block Out His Voice In The Middle Of The Night.

To Look At This Person, You Would Immediately Associate Some Deep Form Of Mongolism With Him.
From The Knuckles Scraping Along The Ground, To The Deep Cro-Mag/Caveman Brow

In One Of My More Compassionate Moments I Considered Going Over There And Trying To Be Someone He Could Open Up To.
Someone To Help Him Delve Into His Own Mind And Sort Out Some Forgotten Childhood Trauma.

But Approaching This Person Is Simply Out Of The Question For A Number Of Reasons:
1) - I Speak English, Using Reason & Logic, With The Intent Of Coming To A Resolution
(Whereas He Speaks In Grunts Using Monosyllabic Communication With The Intent Of Breaking Into My House When I'm Not Here To Steal My Possessions)

2) - His Addiction To The Cheapest And Nastiest Street Drugs Have Eaten Away At The Portion Of His Brain That Processes Thought And Tells Him That Firing His Shotgun Into The Park At Night Time Is A Great Idea.

3) - His Paranoia Has Him Setting Up A Camera For His Driveway, So In Case The Police Show Up He Has An Extra 4 Seconds To Make A Getaway.
(It Didn't Seem To Work Last Night When I Looked Out The Window At 4 In The Morning To Find Their House Swarming With Cops)
Either He Is Completely Paranoid, Or Is Doing Something SO Illegal That It Warrants Having A Deadbolt On His Bedroom Door

4) - Read 1 & 2 Again.


I've Done An Admirable Job Avoiding This Person And Can Proudly Say That After 2 Years (Since His Last Stint In Prison,..I'm Positive He'll Be Back Soon) I Have Managed To Escape Any Conversation/Meeting. - This Has Been Made Difficult By The Fact That His Mother Loves My Family And Would Love Us To Have More To Do With Her/Him/Them.

It's Strange When People Die Isn't It?.
Suddenly Assholes Are Given A Slightly More Dashing Version Of Their History.
Someone Who Is Plainly A Cunt, Is Suddenly 'Misunderstood' - Someone With Anger Problems Is Now 'Moody' & 'Brooding'
There Have Been 3 People I Have Known Personally That Have Died, And When They Passed I Shrugged My Shoulders And Gone 'I Didn't Like Them Anyway'
I'm Sad For The People That Loved Them, But It Seems Impossible For Me To Pretend They Were Any Better Than They Were In Life.

The Gorilla Next Door Is Someone I Can See Who Will Either Be Killed, Or Will Commit Suicide And I Literally Do Not Care.
I'm Not Saying That With Anger, More Of A Perceptive Calculation.
There Is Nowhere That Person Can Go, Without HIM Always Being There.

This Guy Has Been In Prison For Most Of His Life, And In My Opinion Is Simply Waiting To Go Back.
He Has Been FULLY Conditioned To Jail Life And Is Currently Lost In The 'Real World'
Jail Is For People Who Have Trouble With Ego, Bravado, Physical Violence, Threats And Crime - So If You Go To Jail, Its Filled With People Who Celebrate Ego, Bravado, Physical Violence, Threats And Crime. - Depending On How Long You Are In Jail For Will Depend On How Ingrained These Things Are And If You Don't Have The Mental Capacity To Understand Simple Self-Awareness You Will Not Comprehend How To Live Life Without These Despicable Glorified Traits

His Entire Story To Me, Is Similar To The Feeling Of Reading A Book That Is Annoying And Shallow, But You Finish It Anyway Just For The Feeling Of Completion
Almost Like Holding Your Breath Til It Ends.

I Wonder If I'll Read This When He Dies And Feel Differently?

There Aren't Many People Who's Lives Could Be Improved By Suicide, But He Is Certainly One.

We Have A House Inspection Today.

I Saw The New Batman Movie.
Couldn't Get Over 'Bane's' Voice!!!
If You're Going To Have A Staunch Dangerous Criminal Mastermind With Brutish Strength,..
DON'T Give Him The Voice Of A Slightly Effeminate Aristocratic English Gentleman.
Other Than That,... It Was Good.
(All 75 and A Half Hours Of It)

I've Been Watching A Lot Of Springer Again Lately...
I Don't Know Why.
When I First Saw The Jerry Springer Show I Thought Gerald Norman Springer Was Satan,...
Because Of His His Snide Comments, Utter Lack Of Concern Over The Guests & ....Because,...
Well,.. It's His Show!.
I Keep Telling Myself That It's A Psychological Character Study Of A Modern Culture Utterly Drunk On Itself.
(But Mostly It's Just About Wanting To See Naked Black Ginger Midgets Hammer The Shit Out Of Each Other.)
I Find It Similar To Junk Food... As Soon As It's Over, I'm Flooded With Guilt And A Curious Hankering For More.

Years Later, As He Wheels Out A Seemingly Endless Supply Of Toothless Trailer-Park Alumni I Become Aware That His Attitude Appears To Be Born Out Of A Hopelessness. His Comments Suddenly Seem To Be Offered From A Person Who Has Given Up On Humanity, And Has Accidentally Forged A Career Dependent Solely Upon The Emotional Shortcomings Of Families Occupying Trailer Parks.

Since Writing The Line Above I Accidentally Came Across A 'Behind The Scenes' Documentary Of The Jerry Springer Show!
I've Always Wondered About Mr Springer's Feelings On His Notoriety, His Show, And His Legacy.
He Seems Like A Smart Man, He Used To Be A Journalist, News Anchor And Former Democratic Mayor Of Cincinnati.
He Can Usually Be Seen In A Suit And Tie, Clutching A Microphone & A Cue Card While Pacing Around, Casually Stirring The Drama By Offering Smarmy Comments, The Audience,...Delighted, Then Erupt Into Chants Of His Name.

So To See Him Alone, In His Office, Not Wearing A Suit, And Puffing On A Cigar, Offering Candid Insights Was Fascinating.
To Me, Mr Springer Seemed Proud Of His Empire, & When Questioned About The Moral Integrity Of His Show, He Counters With 'It's Just A Silly Show, You Don't HAVE To Watch It' - Which Is True, If Not A Tad Callous.

He Did Seem Genuinely Baffled As To His Fame/Notoriety -
(He Also Seemed To Be Delighted About It.)
While I Didn't Get The Feeling He Held Any Malice Toward His Past Guests, He Wasn't Overly Forthcoming With Sympathy Either.
As He Spoke Of The Guests Over The Years I Didn't Get The Feeling I Was Speaking To The 'Ringleader'.
For Whatever Reason I Didn't Feel I Was Speaking With The Brains Of The Operation, Merely The Face.
And Then I Found Out Why.

Even The Most Casual Observer Of The Jerry Springer Show Will Notice A Scruffy Little Man Behind A Sort Of 'Podium' Off To Jerry's Side.
The Purpose Of This Curious Little Fellow Always Eluded Me, Until A Friend Pointed Out It Was The Producer Of The Show.
(Who Is Also Responsible For The Marginally Humourous Sound Effects)
During The Course Of The Documentary I Was To Learn That This Guy (Richard Dominick) Was Something Of A Mastermind.

In The Beginning, The Springer Show Was Just Like Every Other Mundane Talk-Show Until It Was Almost Canceled.
In A Last Ditch Effort To Save The Show He Suggested Featuring 'Normal People' Sharing Their Troubles With Explosive Results.
Eventually They Focused Their Guest-Seeking Efforts To Areas That Featured The Slightly More Gloriously 'Challenged'.
It Was THIS Single Move That Made Them All Incredibly Wealthy And Desensitized An Entire Generation.

When I NOW Watch The Springer Show I Feel Like I Can See The Strings Being Pulled Behind The Puppet Show.
I've Become A Springer Veteran, I Know What It Means When A Guest Removes Their Shoes As Another Guest Takes The Stage.
Like The Man Himself.. At Times I Find Myself Utterly Indifferent To The Violence & Emotional Turmoil Of The Springer Guests.
But Whenever I Start To Feel Bad About Exploiting The Misery Of Others, I Remind Myself That EVERY Guest Knows Who/What The Jerry Springer Show Is,
And They Weren't Forced On To That Stage!
(I Don't Dip My Scrotum In A Piranha Tank For The Same Reason.)

Before, I Took His Silence As Quiet Disapproval, And A Deepening Despair At The Human Condition.
But Now I Can Say With A Great Certainty That His Silence Is Probably Filled With Thoughts Of Cigars, The Next Fat Paycheck, And Lame Comebacks To Get The Audience Chanting His Name Again.




I Really Don't Think Jerry Springer Is A Bad Person, But I'm Fairly Sure He's Going To Hell.

What. Would. You. Do?!!?

There's Only THREE Days Until The New Season Of 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia'!!!
I'm SO Excited, I Literally Can NOT Wait.
I Love The Show SO Much, I Never Thought Another Tv Show Could Rival South Park.
Yeee-Haaaa!!!

Concerts Vs Sport...

I Always Considered Sporting Events To Be A Poor Man's Concert.
If Sport Is SO Interesting & Important, Why Do You Lose Interest In The Game As SOON As It Is Finished?
Do You Watch Entire Re-Runs Of That Rugby Game From 1983? - NO
Do You Watch Entire Concerts From 1983?? - YES -
Therefore Music Is Better Than Sport....
Shut Up. - The End.

I Always Preferred Donald Duck, But I'm Gaining An Appreciation For Micky Mouse.

There Is A Mind-Numbingly Aggravating Phenomenon Occurring In The World, Even As I Type.

It Involves The Use Of Scissors And The Hair Of Fashionably Challenged Males.

It Is A Particular Style Of Haircut That I Am Physically Unable To Endure.

At First I Found It Hilarious And Applauded The Strong Personality Willing To Wield Such A Ridiculous Coif For The Sake Of Hilarity At Their Own Expense.

Then It Started Popping Up Everywhere And The Hilarity Turned From Confusion To Horror As I Realised These People Were Totally Oblivious To The Fact They Look Like The Result Of A Weasel Having Fucked A Turkey.

Having Given Nothing Of Value To The Musical Fraternity Whatsoever, 'Emo' Music Went Further By Creating A Series Of Hairstyles No-One Had Ever Previously Been Stupid Enough To Wear. - But The Emo Style Of Haircut Isn't Really A 'Haircut',..It's On The WAY To Being A Haircut... & Then The Hairdresser Just,... Kind Of,..Stops

 -  & Then Charges Twice As Much.

While Growing Your Hair, There Is A Stage Called 'The Hat Stage' Where Your Hair Is Too Short Too Be Long And Too Long To Be Short.

The Resulting Shame Is Then Appropriately Shielded From The Public By Way Of A Hat.

To Think People Are Wilfully Broadcasting This Stage As The Final Result Is Something That Defies Logic And Reasoning.

Not Since The Faux-Hawk Has A Haircut Irritated Me SO Much.

It's 'Long Hair' For The Guy Who Is Scared Of Having Long Hair, And Doesn't Want Credibility Or Respect To Get In The Way Of First Impressions.

If One Of My Friends Got That Haircut, I'd Have To Let Them Go,..It's Just That Simple...

(And THAT Was The Result Of A Serious 'Sit Down' Think I Had.)

For Some People It's Nails Down A Chalk-Board, For Me, It's That Stupid Fucking 'Brushed To The Side Fringe' And Awkward 'Short' Long Hair Look.

The Other Day For Whatever Reason, I Started Watching The New Series Of Australian Big Brother.

The First Guy In The House Was Wearing The Haircut Of Douchedom And I Almost Threw Something At The Screen While Screaming 'WHY!!!!!???'

Ok, I Thought, So That's The Guy I Hate.... Where Are The Rest Of The People?

...Here's Where Things Get Strange...

I Am Now 55 Days/Episodes In, And The Guy With The 'Hair' Is My Favourite Guy In The House.

If He DOESN'T Win Big Brother,... I Might Cry.

Michael Is So Cool, Funny, Smart And Easygoing.

He Diffuses Any Tension, He Hates & Likes The Same People In The House As Me.

We Have The Same Opinion On Most Things.

There Are Times When He Said Things I Had Just Shouted At The Screen Moments Before.

When I Watch Now, I Actually Have To Concentrate To See His Stupid Haircut Because The Person He Is, Is So Excellent.

Sometimes Life Teaches You A Lesson, I Can't Help But Wonder How Many Times My Pre-Conceived Notions About How People Should Look, Act, And Be, Have Directly Severed A Valuable Friendship That Never Survived My Arrogant Initial Appraisal.

If You Have Nothing Going On, Watch Big Brother And Vote For Michael,...

He Survived My Unreasonable Evaluation, He Deserves To Win.

Go MIKEY!!!

Do I Need To Make A Blog?
(Does The Internet REALLY Need More 'Steve'???)
Frankly,...Yes.

I Like The Idea Of Having A Diary, Without The Need Of A Physical Book And Manually Writing.
I Think In The Format Of The Internet Anyway, So A Blog Seemed A Perfect Compromise.

My Brand Of Fascinating Insight, And Relentless Humour Is Exactly What Makes The Internet A Great Place.
(I'm Also Good Looking, Incredibly Smart, & Have A Massive Dong. - Also Not Narcissistic At All.)

Facebook Is Fine, But Restricting... In That There Are So Many People With Differing Opinions And Flavours That I Feel The Need To Dilute My Opinion For The Safety Of Others. - For A While Now I Have Considered Occupying A Place Where I Can Slather My True Filthy Opinions In An Honest Forum Without The Need For Constant Considerations Of Others. - It Seems NO Matter What You Say, Someone Will Take Offence To It,...I Could Say How Much I Like Cats, And Someone Will Ask Me What I Have Against Dogs. - So Here Is Your Warning,...The Probability Of You Being Offended Will Steadily Increase With The More You Read. - For Those That Don't Know Me Tho, I Should Probably Add That I Genuinely Don't Intend Any Offence, I Only Introduce Inflammatory Subjects/Comments If I Think They Are Hilarious, Which They Usually Are. - You Have Been Warned!

*Cue Ominous Music*

With That Said, Welcome To The Kingdom Of Steve!...

Where Nobody Cool Ever Died,
The Music Is Heartfelt, Yet Cerebral,
The Boobs Are Pendulous (And NOT Fake),
And The Pizza's & V Are About To Arrive,......